Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
