imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
