I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
love makes seman taste better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
