You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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