Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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