My friends, they love my intelligence
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
