oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
