Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
