a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
