i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
