I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
