i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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