i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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