i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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