he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
