went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
