Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
