You're completely useless in the revolution.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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