i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We have so much sex to catch up on
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
