you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
