I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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