he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
