Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
