Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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