He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
