Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize