Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
