You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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