My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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