Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
