i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
