Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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