you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
