i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
