my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
