Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize