She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
