the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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