I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
