I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
