i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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