Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
