I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
