It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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