You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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