Whod you bang
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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