Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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