I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
