trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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