I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
