your parents love me but you hate me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
