Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
