i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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