im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
