are you still at the devil's house?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
