I never want to see another naked old woman again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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