ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
