his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
