A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
