the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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