Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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