By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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