i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
