shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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