She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize