whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
