I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
