i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
