Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
