Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
