Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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