also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Couch. On fire.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
