I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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