I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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