You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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