Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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