my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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