dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're making bets on your personal life
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
