Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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