new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
