i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
