Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
