is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
