that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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