I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
