Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
