Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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