I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
