I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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