He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
