if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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