Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
