I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
