there's paper in my vomit.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
