I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
