She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
