Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize