Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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