I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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