i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
