I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
