im drinking this country out of the recession.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
