I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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