I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
