I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize