I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
