The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
