People with herpes should wear stickers.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nutella sex= disaster
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
