I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
two words...techno handjob
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
