He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize