Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"

Fav 9 1088 3832
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(803): View more from South Carolina

so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.

Fav 6 4281 1081
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"

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(305): View more from Florida

nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

Fav 20 5125 2106
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time

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(316): View more from Kansas

You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"

Fav 1 711 507
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(803): View more from South Carolina

You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight

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