I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
