guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize