WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
