I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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