i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i will never coherently bang her
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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