he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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