Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
